Appearances Can Be Deceiving
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One of the most enjoyable pleasures my nephew has during the sweet summer days in Veto is walking his dog, Shadow. Shadow is a 125 pound long haired lab. In his own mind, he belongs in a purse, preferably carried by him wherever he would go. He loves to sleep on his bed, and in general, prefers to remain as close to him as possible. Shadow will bark when there is a knock on the door, but other than that, he's not particularly territorial. As long as his Dad is with him, he's completely content.
Unfortunately during our daily walks we have encountered all kinds of preconceived notions about how Shadow 'appears' to be: an enormous, powerful looking "dog". We have had some very negative experiences over the years. Strangers will try to provoke him into barking, or even attacking them, by taking predatory and threatening steps towards him. (I don't believe this was the brightest action...would you really want to provoke a dog this big?). Others have growled at him, barked at him or tried to grab his tail. Still others have gone in the opposite direction: screaming in fear when they see them coming, and making a run across to the other side of the road, regardless of traffic.
Shadow has been attacked by very small dogs, and he has been yelled at by these petite Cujo's owners to 'call my dog off' when their own are hanging from his throat. During these moments of dog walking drama, both his dog and him have learned to roll their eyes, to try to ignore the ignorance of the people who don't understand them. He has had his feelings hurt when he has heard one person remark to another; "What a stupid, irresponsible man for owning such a dangerous beast!".
The fact is, Shadow is an incredibly gentle dog. He's a bit arrogant, and likes his food "just so". But, other than that, he is a remarkably loving, exceptionally intelligent and very well meaning dog. He prefers my nephews company to that of others, but he likes meeting new people, and new dogs, too. No matter how pretty his collar is, how well groomed he has combed him out and how well he listens to him, Shadow will always be judged by people by his appearance. He will not be judged by his kind eyes or how well he responds to his commands. Shadow will be perceived as vicious, aggressive and combative, simply because of his breed. People have seen "Cops" on television, and think all big dogs are ready to strike at a moment's notice. The irony? Most big dogs are also incredibly well behaved. They have a deeply connected relationship with their handler, and usually live with his family. Like "Helping" dogs, they are trained to do a job when they are 'working', and they understand the difference between being at work with their police officer handler, and being at home with his family....chasing a ball with the officer's children after hours.
Because of his experience with his dog, He has learned to move away from judging people, situations or experiences based upon appearances. It's his own humble opinion that all of them, not just those who are afraid of big dogs, take one look at a scene, and make a snap decision as to how we will place this scenario in our level of thought. Most people tend to subconsciously categorize others as soon as they meet them. We all have internal sensors for an evolutionary reason: to stay safe! If those internal 'something's not right' meters sound off in our minds, we usually snap to action in terms of self-preservation. It happens even before we're aware of it. On the other hand, there are times we make rash decisions about people when we don't have all the facts, or we don't give another person a chance. We may walk away from a potentially wonderful friendship because of the way that person looks, or where they live, or what their religious beliefs may be. We may limit our social circle to only people who are 'just like us'. In the long run, we may stay extremely safe. Or, we may find that those people, whose appearances seemed to be similar to our own, couldn't be further from being like-minded, or even kind- hearted. We may base a friendship strictly on appearances, but for the wrong reasons...a person may have "seemed" to have everything in common with us, may even have been attractive and interesting. But, after we get to know them, or worse, been hurt by them, we come to discover that agreeable appearances aren't necessarily the best way to choose a friend.
It's my own personal opinion that we need to look beyond mere appearances, and look into the heart of another person as we are getting to know them. We may discover that they're simply not as lovely on the inside as they are on the out. Or, we may just find that someone who appears to be our polar opposite is, in all actuality, a soul mate of a friend. We need to look past age, height and other defining features, and get to the meat of that individual's beliefs. Additionally, it's fabulous to have friends who have very different backgrounds,and it's delightful to learn about other cultures. My daughter's best friends are Indian (and) Egyptian and Korean. The three of them have more fun together than any girls I've ever met. Their hearts beat in unison. And yet, they couldn't come from three more different parts of the world. Their friendships have been a tremendous joy to all three families, and we've all been enriched by the love they share. Could Caroline have made friends with other New England girls? Of course...and she has. But, her soul sisters happen to be originally from Asia and the Middle East. My most recent friends, in my own life, are all considerably older than I am. I have learned that having friends, closer in age to my late grandmother than myself, is a beautiful experience. They have shared so much wisdom with me, and I continually pinch myself to remind myself that these wonderful ladies would be interested my limited experience.I feel honored to have them call me "friend".
My entreaty to readers is this: give everyone, including labs, a chance. Don't dismiss a friendship because someone is different from you, and don't get too excited about someone who 'appears' to be your personal twin. Take time. Slow down. Get to know people before making a conclusion. Even then, keep an open mind and an open heart. You may find yourself in the midst of a beautiful friendship....and one you never imagined would be possible. As Charles Kettering wrote, " The open minded see the truth in things; the narrow minded see the differences."